Friday

We used to go driving back then. We would just drive for what seemed like hours in the country side. It seemed as if it were only an autumn ritual. The leaves were all different shades of orange and red. And we’d speed down the middle of the road, kicking up leaves as we went along. The sky always seemed to be some shade of grey, just on the verge of raining.

Henry would always drive, he had the best car out of all of us and we’d each take turns sitting in the front seat. He’d put the top down and the chilly autumn wind would be blowing all around us and it seemed as if the only thing you could hear was the radio playing in the background. The car would climb up the hills along the old dirt roads and in these moments I would stick my head out, right when the wind was the strongest. My hair would blow and I’d squint my eyes and I’d hear you guys in the back seat laughing over the rush of wind.

I can’t even remember us not being happy.

Thursday

Do you remember that old lake we used to go to? I’m sure you do, we met there one summer, your parents rented a lake house down the road from my families.

You don’t remember do you?

No it’s ok, it was a while ago anyways.

Well I know you don’t remember but we went swimming one time late one summer night. The moon was hidden behind the grey clouds and we made our way towards the lake,
stepping softly to avoid making any sound that would interrupt the echoing silence.

They were already swimming when we got there. We heard their laughter as we got closer, short and muffled in the darkness. Henry was there and so was Francis and his girlfriend, but I can’t seem to remember her name. We stripped down to our bathing suits and made our way to the lake.

We both stood on the dock; I wrapped my toes around the edge and felt the rough grooves of the wood. I glanced at you. Your hair was covering your face but I could still see you smiling.

The clouds drifted away from the moon and we could now see the glimmer of the white moon light as it reflected off of the waves of the water. Henry, Francis, and his girlfriend were treading water a ways off of the dock. They stared up at us, smiling.

Jump! they yelled.

Is it cold? you asked.

Francis splashed water towards us and we jumped back.

Francis! you yelled, laughing.

I backed up a bit and began to run. I jumped, closed my eyes, and dove into the water. It was cold and I tried to drift as far as possible until I had to come up for air. I popped up just in time to see you jump in.

We swam until we were worn out and laid on the dock. I couldn’t tell if anyone was awake, and I closed my eyes and felt the soft summer night’s breeze and I could hear the soft rattle of the leaves in the trees all around us.

God how I wish these fantasy nights were real.

Saturday

It’s snowing now, the first of the winter. The snowflakes fall slowly and I can feel them on the back of my neck as I walk down the street. The street lights arch overhead and the soft lights feel like warmth in the dark sky.

A year ago today we first met.

If you squint your eyes and look pass the glow of the street lights you can see the stars. Only barely twinkling in the distant night sky.

How could I have messed it up so badly?

I close my eyes and I imagine an old musician sitting next to a building in the distance. His eyes are closed and he’s playing a song on his saxophone. He doesn’t care if anyone is listening or not. The sound floats through the air twisting and twirling as it dodges the small white flakes of falling snow until it finally reaches my ears. It feels as though the music and the street lights are all the warmth that I can feel right now, but I squint my eyes.