Wednesday

Sorry for the extended break. This will be my first blog, in this particular blog, of 2009. Honestly I cant see myself writing in this one too much, ive switched to my new one, minimal at most, for most of my writing. Not to officially kill this one but I figured I'd post some stuff I wrote last year. Its nothing special but I used to keep a word document that I would write in every day for a few weeks and it would be made up memories or just daydreams. I havent edited them for punctuation but I removed some stuff because it was kind of personal. Hope you enjoy it.

I found an old Polaroid of us playing cards last summer that I don’t remember taking. Its old and faded, now turning a pretty shade of yellow. You are sitting on the floor, legs crossed,with a pair of black sunglasses balancing delicately on the edge of your nose. A wry smile hangs on the edge of your mouth. James is lying on the bed and none of us are looking at the camera. Our eyes are on the cards, frozen in time. I can hear the music playing low in the background. Your smile hangs and your eyes look tired. It’s a hot night outside and I miss that summer.

It’s November and I haven’t said a single word to her. You think that sitting next to the same girl two days out of each week, every week, for the past four months, you’d be able to find something to talk about. Not the case. She’s pretty though and I look at her out of the corner of my eye. She has brown hair and a thin layer of freckles on her nose. She seems nice enough.
Class hasn’t started yet and I’m trying to read a book to pass the time. I don’t know why I’m here fifteen minutes early. I guess I’m always afraid of missing something. I look out the window at the grey clouds and I can see the top of a tree as it blows in the wind. The professor comes in and begins to lecture and I wish I were outside.

I think about calling her but I decide against it. I don’t know why I’ve been thinking about her so much lately. It’s odd really.

I unpack everything and set it all up in my room just how I like it. I try and make it as close to my room at home.

I find a Polaroid of all of us from last summer. She’s there and we are playing cards on the floor in my room. A pair of black sunglasses balances on the edge of her nose. James is with us, lying on his back on my bed, holding his cards a few inches from his face. Music is playing low in the background, I concentrate on the drums, counting in my head to the beat; a hair line across the screen and a flash of red. You turn slowly and smile. It’s a hot night outside and I miss that summer.

I’m in the library now, wasting time. There’s a pretty girl behind me and quite a few in front of me. I may try getting a job at the library next year, it would be nice and quiet to work here. I wonder if that girl that I used to like works here, I used to think she did but I never see her anymore. I saw her today though. I was walking to class and walked right by me. She didn’t have her glasses on so I almost didn’t recognize her. Her hair was messy and she looked, for an instant, like Miranda July.

I went to lunch today and when I walked into the cafeteria a girl looked up and our eyes met. She was really pretty and I thought about smiling but didn’t. I don’t think I’ve ever just smiled at a random girl. I would have to at least know them, but I wish I would have with her. I would have liked to see her smile back at me.

The girl that sits next to me in class wont stop talking. She thinks she’s whispering but in reality she’s not. I can just picture the teacher saying something, stopping his lecture to ask her to be quiet. I kind of want him to so I can pay attention but if he calls her out everyone will turn and look at her and I will feel embarrassed since everyone will be looking at me too.

“Don’t look I cant stand for you to see me this way”
“No you look beautiful”
“No I don’t, youre just saying that to make me feel better.”
“No. really. I mean it.”
I brush the hair out of her eyes and she sniffles some more and takes a deep breath.
“I look horrible” she sobs and I hug her. She still has her arms to her eyes and I can feel her elbows digging into me with each heavy sob. “I’ve been crying for hours”
“shhhhhh” I hug her and soon her sobs go away. We just stand there in silence for a few minutes.
“Now are you ok?” I let go of her and put my hands on her shoulder, bending down to be eye level with her.
She nods her head.
“No more tears?”
She smiles and shakes her head to the side.
I pull her back in and give her one more hug and she whispers a thanks.

It’s cold outside, only a few days before Christmas, and I’ve got two sweaters on to keep warm. The clouds are grey and the sunlight seems to struggle to break free. We are sitting on the bench, Camilla and I, rocking slowly back and forth. She’s wearing a navy blue scarf knitted with snowflakes on, pulled all the way up to her nose to keep warm. She looks cute. She has her hands, in gloves, around a cup of hot chocolate. The steam rises slowly.
“Are you going anywhere for Christmas this year?”
She shakes her head no and pulls the scarf off of her mouth to take a sip of her hot chocolate.
“Well maybe we can do something special this year.”
“Like what?” she smiles.
“Oh I don’t know. Henry invited us to his Christmas party, if you want to go to that.”
“Sounds fun.”


If I have a conversation with her it will be something like this:
Hey do you think you can help me find this book?
Sure.
Oh wait didn’t I ask you about the zune last semester?
Hmmm I think so. I kind of remember it.
Oh well I got one anyways. Thanks to your recommendation.
(I hopes she laughs right here)
My names brian by the way. ( I give her my hand to shake)
Amelia.
Nice to meet you Amelia. Are you a freshman?
Yes
Cool me too. Whats your major?
Journalism.
Cool.
What about you?
Film and digital media.
Want to be a director?
Nah I don’t think so.
Oh.
Hey listen. I know this is odd and things like this only happen in movies but would you like to get coffee with me when youre not too busy?
(She'd smile sweetly and blush.)
Yeah. I'd like that.