And I don’t know how to say it you know? Its an odd feeling I guess and I'm really not too sure of myself these days. Yesterday I was in the movie theatre with some of my friends and halfway through the movie I started thinking about you( isn’t that strange?) Anyways I imagined you sitting next to me wearing one of your sweaters to keep warm in the cold movie theatre-I pictured us holding hands on the arm rest, I know its a silly thing for me to think these things since I’ve only talked to you one time and I didn’t even ask for your name, but I made myself not look to my right so I couldn’t see that there was no one there. So that I could imagine you sitting there, just out of vision.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Saturday
So instead of studying I have decided to make a holiday play list for your guys with it's very own original artwork by yours truly! Try and hold back the excitement as best you can!
Anyways, I've been thinking of what I should put in my play list, like an overall theme, and I decided on mostly 80's/90's songs that deal with falling in love and falling out of it (which is basically most of the songs I listen to). Some of them deal with frustration ("Brassneck"), some with nostalgia ("Indian Summer") and others just sweet pop songs ("Pure").
The whole idea of this is to give you something to listen to when you're driving home from a New Year's Eve party and things may have not gone your way (or maybe they did) and you just need something that's a little sad.
Enough of me being a downer already, here's the list.
Track listing:
1. Hey Sandy by Polaris
2. Anorak Christmas by Nixon
3. Young Adult Fiction by The Pains of Being Pure At Heart
4. New Mate by Figurine
5. Strange by Galaxie 500
6. Pure by Lightning Seeds
7. White by The Field Mice
8. Different Drum by The Pastels
9. Indian Summer by Beat Happening
10. Contrast and Compare by Bright Eyes
11. She Keeps Me Alive by Nixon
12. Brassneck by The Wedding Present
13. Theme From Nice by Nice
Download:
http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?jojngdguioz
For those of you who dont have never downloaded an RAR file I'll tell you how.
1.You'll need WinRAR to get the songs out of the folder that they are zipped in. It's a free program (even though it will say you have to buy it just exit that little box).
2. Once that is installed double click on the folder that you downloaded from me (it should say "and go our seperate ways" with a stack of books next to it)
3. Click on "extract" at the top and choose where you want to save the songs.
Wallah
Those instructions were if you were using Windows. If you have a mac you can probably just click on it and it will tell you how to extract it by linking you to the program you need.
Thanks if you downloaded-let me know what you think.
Anyways, I've been thinking of what I should put in my play list, like an overall theme, and I decided on mostly 80's/90's songs that deal with falling in love and falling out of it (which is basically most of the songs I listen to). Some of them deal with frustration ("Brassneck"), some with nostalgia ("Indian Summer") and others just sweet pop songs ("Pure").
The whole idea of this is to give you something to listen to when you're driving home from a New Year's Eve party and things may have not gone your way (or maybe they did) and you just need something that's a little sad.
Enough of me being a downer already, here's the list.
Track listing:
1. Hey Sandy by Polaris
2. Anorak Christmas by Nixon
3. Young Adult Fiction by The Pains of Being Pure At Heart
4. New Mate by Figurine
5. Strange by Galaxie 500
6. Pure by Lightning Seeds
7. White by The Field Mice
8. Different Drum by The Pastels
9. Indian Summer by Beat Happening
10. Contrast and Compare by Bright Eyes
11. She Keeps Me Alive by Nixon
12. Brassneck by The Wedding Present
13. Theme From Nice by Nice
Download:
http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?jojngdguioz
For those of you who dont have never downloaded an RAR file I'll tell you how.
1.You'll need WinRAR to get the songs out of the folder that they are zipped in. It's a free program (even though it will say you have to buy it just exit that little box).
2. Once that is installed double click on the folder that you downloaded from me (it should say "and go our seperate ways" with a stack of books next to it)
3. Click on "extract" at the top and choose where you want to save the songs.
Wallah
Those instructions were if you were using Windows. If you have a mac you can probably just click on it and it will tell you how to extract it by linking you to the program you need.
Thanks if you downloaded-let me know what you think.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Monday
I'm trying to grow a beard and I think I am going to start a new blog (I wont stop this one though).
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Sunday
I think I may drift away from the normal made up stories for a while. I can’t think of anything to write so I figure I’ll just post whatever I feel like. I’m not saying I wont post any of my day dreams, but for the time being I am all day dreamed out.
So last night I went to the library to study and I left at around 10 and started walking back to my dorm. It’s only about a five-minute walk and I cut across the rec fields and walked next to the tennis courts to get to the main lobby. Before I reached the front of the lobby I looked up and saw this really cute girl standing on the sidewalk in front of me. I looked down for a bit, not making anything of it, and then I glanced up again and she was looking at me-then she smiled. I was kind of in shock because strangers usually don’t smile at me, especially the cute ones.
I’ve been working on trying to smile without showing my teeth because I think I look goofy when I do so I gave her one of those straight line smiles that just looked like “hey how’s it going…” in a weird awkward way. As soon as I flashed my would be smile I just glanced down and kept walking towards the steps of my dorm. I turned to look at her as I walked up the stairs and I thought she was looking at me so I thought about giving her a wave since, in all probability, I wouldn’t see her again-but I chickened out.
I swiped my card and walked inside and was decided I would go out and wave to her, at least I wouldn’t feel like a total loser. So I walked back outside and she was walking up the sidewalk towards my dorm talking to a guy coming the opposite direction. I walked across the street to the parking garage, waited a few seconds, and went up to my dorm.
So last night I went to the library to study and I left at around 10 and started walking back to my dorm. It’s only about a five-minute walk and I cut across the rec fields and walked next to the tennis courts to get to the main lobby. Before I reached the front of the lobby I looked up and saw this really cute girl standing on the sidewalk in front of me. I looked down for a bit, not making anything of it, and then I glanced up again and she was looking at me-then she smiled. I was kind of in shock because strangers usually don’t smile at me, especially the cute ones.
I’ve been working on trying to smile without showing my teeth because I think I look goofy when I do so I gave her one of those straight line smiles that just looked like “hey how’s it going…” in a weird awkward way. As soon as I flashed my would be smile I just glanced down and kept walking towards the steps of my dorm. I turned to look at her as I walked up the stairs and I thought she was looking at me so I thought about giving her a wave since, in all probability, I wouldn’t see her again-but I chickened out.
I swiped my card and walked inside and was decided I would go out and wave to her, at least I wouldn’t feel like a total loser. So I walked back outside and she was walking up the sidewalk towards my dorm talking to a guy coming the opposite direction. I walked across the street to the parking garage, waited a few seconds, and went up to my dorm.
Monday, December 1, 2008
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Thursday
So Baylor has this literary magazine for undergraduate students that they publish each year. I figured "Why not" and decided to try and write a short story in the hope that it may get published. Of course they don't start taking admissions until January, so I have quite the head start on this. I had posted my rough draft earlier, but I've now finalized it and this is the version I am submitting. I changed a log of stuff (or at least I feel like I have.) Let me know what you think.
Oh and leave your name too.
Notice the Waves in His Hair
by Brian Sanders
He had just barely caught the plane, jogging into the cabin just as the stewardess was closing the door. She had never seen him before. Watching, she prayed he was to be the one sitting in the empty seat next to her. He looked at his ticket and walked down the aisle, checking each row number carefully. He stopped at her row, looked at her, and flashed a weak smile. Instantly she felt the strings of her heart that were tied to the corners of his mouth tighten. She smiled back and watched as he put his backpack into the overhead luggage container. They would be spending the next twelve hours together as they made their way over the Pacific Ocean in the dead of night, and she couldn’t think of another person she’d rather spend it next to.
The plane began to climb and she began to relax and watch the city lights of Los Angeles disappear from the air in the dimming light. She tried not to glance at him too much, but the temptation was too great: he was reading an Richard Yates book and drinking soda from a small plastic cup. Every now and then he’d eat a few peanuts, never taking his eyes off of the book. She closed her eyes and imagined what his apartment looked like.
Images of a room filled with sleek modern furniture flashed in her mind. There were books scattered around the room, “Organized chaos” she thought. She’d clean everything up and organize all of his books, finding the time he couldn’t. Her daydreams began to get more intricate and she convinced herself that he had a dog and even though she was a cat person she would be willing to compromise. She would ask her mom to take Alfred in (she had always loved that cat). Her mom would be more than happy to.
It was still raining and she could hear its soft patter against the window. Only a few lights were on in the airplane compartment, it was late and almost everyone was fast asleep. She turned and looked at him. His eyes were closed and his book lay open in his lap, he hadn’t read too much. “He probably bought it in the airport” she thought. She turned and looked out the window. The clouds moved by quickly as the plane cut them in half. Every now and then the plane would rock slightly in the turbulence. All of a sudden the plane gave a violent lurch and the man next to her stirred, and still asleep, rested his head comfortably on her shoulder. “Should I wake him?” she thought. She stared at the top of his head; waves of thick blonde hair, his mouth was slightly open and she could hear him breathing steadily. It was as if they were dating and she tried to imagine what it would be like to be in a relationship.
She’d go to the grocery store before he woke up and fill up his empty refrigerator with the essentials that he had been living without. She wouldn’t tell him what she had done, no, it would be better to surprise him so he could see how much she loved him. She could see it all now. She’d be sitting at the kitchen table pretending to read the newspaper. He’d give her a kiss on the top of her head, ask for the sports section and make his way to the fridge to pour a glass of milk. Wiping the sleep from his eyes he’d open the fridge door and find that, to his surprise, it was filled with groceries. Everything that he had meant to go buy later that week would be there. She had saved him the time and the trip. She would sit there smiling, not saying a word; he’d turn and look at her. He’d flash a mile, “thanks honey”, pull her close, close enough to where she could feel the whiskers on his cheeks, and he would give her a kiss on the lips, yes on the lips, and she imagined herself smiling in between kisses.
“No, I’m not moving” she decided.
She prayed that someone would walk by to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, just so they could see him using her shoulder as a pillow. She’d make eye contact with the passing stranger and give a weak smile and a look that would say, “Deep down, he’s really not so tough”. They were just two young lovers with their whole life in front of them, madly in love with each other.
She stared out the window and could see the stars; unwavering and twinkling, still so far away even this high up. She drifted in and out of sleep dreaming of the life they’d have. Falling asleep outside under the cloudy autumn skies, weekends spent at the beach, bringing him home to meet her parents, moving in together and getting used to all of his little nuances. She’d accept them all with a smile. She loved him.
She could see the sunshine through her eyelids that morning. She glanced at him, still fast asleep on her shoulder, a small puddle of drool growing on her sweater. She smiled.”So it wasn’t all a dream.” She leaned over and kissed his head, only slightly, a small kiss to let him know that she loved him. His eyes fluttered open, surprised and awake.
“What are you doing?” he whispered harshly at her
“Nothing I was just…I….I….I don’t know. I’m sorry” she was stuttering now, at a loss for words.
He rubbed his eyes, and looked at her with a confused look on his face. She couldn’t take it anymore, tears swelled up in the corners of her eyes like small puddles. She wiped them away and turned out the window, embarrassed and angry all at once.
“So it had all come down to this. It was bound to happen sooner or later. I always loved him more than he loved me that- was for sure. But here, now, like this? Couldn’t he have been kinder about it? I have sacrificed so much for him, for us. I sacrificed my job, my friends, everything all for him, and for what? Nothing. Not even a ‘thanks for everything that you’ve done for me”
The plane began to descend and the seat belt sign came on. She felt her ears begin to pop with the pressure. Gripping the armrests she looked at him out of the corner of her eye. He was still sitting there, reading that stupid Richard Yates book. She watched the waves in his hair and instantly she was taken back to the beginning of their relationship, how happy she was then and how much she had loved him, even now.
Oh and leave your name too.
Notice the Waves in His Hair
by Brian Sanders
He had just barely caught the plane, jogging into the cabin just as the stewardess was closing the door. She had never seen him before. Watching, she prayed he was to be the one sitting in the empty seat next to her. He looked at his ticket and walked down the aisle, checking each row number carefully. He stopped at her row, looked at her, and flashed a weak smile. Instantly she felt the strings of her heart that were tied to the corners of his mouth tighten. She smiled back and watched as he put his backpack into the overhead luggage container. They would be spending the next twelve hours together as they made their way over the Pacific Ocean in the dead of night, and she couldn’t think of another person she’d rather spend it next to.
The plane began to climb and she began to relax and watch the city lights of Los Angeles disappear from the air in the dimming light. She tried not to glance at him too much, but the temptation was too great: he was reading an Richard Yates book and drinking soda from a small plastic cup. Every now and then he’d eat a few peanuts, never taking his eyes off of the book. She closed her eyes and imagined what his apartment looked like.
Images of a room filled with sleek modern furniture flashed in her mind. There were books scattered around the room, “Organized chaos” she thought. She’d clean everything up and organize all of his books, finding the time he couldn’t. Her daydreams began to get more intricate and she convinced herself that he had a dog and even though she was a cat person she would be willing to compromise. She would ask her mom to take Alfred in (she had always loved that cat). Her mom would be more than happy to.
It was still raining and she could hear its soft patter against the window. Only a few lights were on in the airplane compartment, it was late and almost everyone was fast asleep. She turned and looked at him. His eyes were closed and his book lay open in his lap, he hadn’t read too much. “He probably bought it in the airport” she thought. She turned and looked out the window. The clouds moved by quickly as the plane cut them in half. Every now and then the plane would rock slightly in the turbulence. All of a sudden the plane gave a violent lurch and the man next to her stirred, and still asleep, rested his head comfortably on her shoulder. “Should I wake him?” she thought. She stared at the top of his head; waves of thick blonde hair, his mouth was slightly open and she could hear him breathing steadily. It was as if they were dating and she tried to imagine what it would be like to be in a relationship.
She’d go to the grocery store before he woke up and fill up his empty refrigerator with the essentials that he had been living without. She wouldn’t tell him what she had done, no, it would be better to surprise him so he could see how much she loved him. She could see it all now. She’d be sitting at the kitchen table pretending to read the newspaper. He’d give her a kiss on the top of her head, ask for the sports section and make his way to the fridge to pour a glass of milk. Wiping the sleep from his eyes he’d open the fridge door and find that, to his surprise, it was filled with groceries. Everything that he had meant to go buy later that week would be there. She had saved him the time and the trip. She would sit there smiling, not saying a word; he’d turn and look at her. He’d flash a mile, “thanks honey”, pull her close, close enough to where she could feel the whiskers on his cheeks, and he would give her a kiss on the lips, yes on the lips, and she imagined herself smiling in between kisses.
“No, I’m not moving” she decided.
She prayed that someone would walk by to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, just so they could see him using her shoulder as a pillow. She’d make eye contact with the passing stranger and give a weak smile and a look that would say, “Deep down, he’s really not so tough”. They were just two young lovers with their whole life in front of them, madly in love with each other.
She stared out the window and could see the stars; unwavering and twinkling, still so far away even this high up. She drifted in and out of sleep dreaming of the life they’d have. Falling asleep outside under the cloudy autumn skies, weekends spent at the beach, bringing him home to meet her parents, moving in together and getting used to all of his little nuances. She’d accept them all with a smile. She loved him.
She could see the sunshine through her eyelids that morning. She glanced at him, still fast asleep on her shoulder, a small puddle of drool growing on her sweater. She smiled.”So it wasn’t all a dream.” She leaned over and kissed his head, only slightly, a small kiss to let him know that she loved him. His eyes fluttered open, surprised and awake.
“What are you doing?” he whispered harshly at her
“Nothing I was just…I….I….I don’t know. I’m sorry” she was stuttering now, at a loss for words.
He rubbed his eyes, and looked at her with a confused look on his face. She couldn’t take it anymore, tears swelled up in the corners of her eyes like small puddles. She wiped them away and turned out the window, embarrassed and angry all at once.
“So it had all come down to this. It was bound to happen sooner or later. I always loved him more than he loved me that- was for sure. But here, now, like this? Couldn’t he have been kinder about it? I have sacrificed so much for him, for us. I sacrificed my job, my friends, everything all for him, and for what? Nothing. Not even a ‘thanks for everything that you’ve done for me”
The plane began to descend and the seat belt sign came on. She felt her ears begin to pop with the pressure. Gripping the armrests she looked at him out of the corner of her eye. He was still sitting there, reading that stupid Richard Yates book. She watched the waves in his hair and instantly she was taken back to the beginning of their relationship, how happy she was then and how much she had loved him, even now.
Friday, October 17, 2008
Friday
No, no, I know what you’re thinking, I’m not making this up. It was one of those cold autumn days. What? No, we started going out before winter. Yes, I’m positive. Do you mean to tell me you don’t remember when we started dating? No it doesn’t matter, it’s not all that important when we started. Anyways let me finish my story. It was one of those cold autumn days. It had been raining for most of that week and it seemed as if the rain had washed away the hot weather and brought in this really really nice sweater weather. I remember it, you and I had just watched that one Woody Allen movie, what was the name of it…Ann something? Do you remember it? The one where they fall in love, you know they had that lobster scene. Forget about it doesn’t matter. Anyways let me finish. We had just finished watching that Woody Allen movie and we walked out of the theater and into the parking lot.The wind was blowing and I thought about putting my arm around you but I was too nervous so I just stuck my hands in my pockets as we walked. You were telling me something about the movie, some funny scene (and this is when I first noticed it): whenever you laughed you would close your eyes for what seemed like a prolonged blink, closed real tight, smiling and laughing. It was so weird finally realizing what it was that was so different about you. See you’re doing it now! Yes, yes you are, you just can’t see it since you have your eyes closed. Of course you’re not going to do it now, now you’re forcing yourself not to! Originally it was a subconscious thing but if you think about not closing eyes when you laugh you won’t close them. Well the whole point of this is that that’s when I realized that I liked you. Sure we had gone out on a few dates before that, but it's when I started picking up on the small peculiarities about you that I wouldn't really notice if we were just friends, that I realized "man she really is great" and that's when I think I began to like you. No really it's true. Fine fine believe what you want, and I'm not making this up: that really was when I first realized I liked you...stop laughing at me! Now go ahead, its your turn, tell me your story.
Saturday, October 4, 2008
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Thursday
Dear,
I’m not sure where to start with this letter, I’ve written it in my head countless times today as I walk, and now that I sit down and actually try and put pen to paper it just doesn’t seem to come out as easily as I was expecting.
It’s been so long since I’ve last seen you. How have things been at home? It’s autumn now, officially that is. The leaves should start changing colors and pretty soon you’ll have a nice pile of leaves to jump in. The breeze should be picking up and the temperature will be dropping. Remember last autumn when you stopped combing your hair? I’m smiling just thinking about it now. You said, “What’s the point? This wind messes it up as soon as I walk outside.” Now every time I think of you and Emma during last fall I picture both of you guy’s hair rippling across your face.
It’s been strange not seeing all of you. I haven’t seen you for months now and I’m sorry I haven’t written before this, I really am. I’ve been so busy here you see. I’ve been thinking about you though. I think about you when I feel a breeze or when it’s cloudy outside just before it rains. I think about home and the lake constantly and I wish I were there now.
How have you and Emma been doing without all of us guys there? That reminds me I got a letter from James the other day. He and Henry are leaving for Nantes tomorrow; they are both having a grand time over there, but miss home already. He told me to tell you that Henry gives his kisses to Emma.
Thank you for your photo, it means the world to me and I’ve got it pinned to the wall above my desk. Would you like one of me? I’m going to go outside right now and make George take a picture of me to send to you. I’ll strike a pose for you.
Don’t forget to write, I’ll see you at Christmas break.
x
I’m not sure where to start with this letter, I’ve written it in my head countless times today as I walk, and now that I sit down and actually try and put pen to paper it just doesn’t seem to come out as easily as I was expecting.
It’s been so long since I’ve last seen you. How have things been at home? It’s autumn now, officially that is. The leaves should start changing colors and pretty soon you’ll have a nice pile of leaves to jump in. The breeze should be picking up and the temperature will be dropping. Remember last autumn when you stopped combing your hair? I’m smiling just thinking about it now. You said, “What’s the point? This wind messes it up as soon as I walk outside.” Now every time I think of you and Emma during last fall I picture both of you guy’s hair rippling across your face.
It’s been strange not seeing all of you. I haven’t seen you for months now and I’m sorry I haven’t written before this, I really am. I’ve been so busy here you see. I’ve been thinking about you though. I think about you when I feel a breeze or when it’s cloudy outside just before it rains. I think about home and the lake constantly and I wish I were there now.
How have you and Emma been doing without all of us guys there? That reminds me I got a letter from James the other day. He and Henry are leaving for Nantes tomorrow; they are both having a grand time over there, but miss home already. He told me to tell you that Henry gives his kisses to Emma.
Thank you for your photo, it means the world to me and I’ve got it pinned to the wall above my desk. Would you like one of me? I’m going to go outside right now and make George take a picture of me to send to you. I’ll strike a pose for you.
Don’t forget to write, I’ll see you at Christmas break.
x
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Tuesday
I'm a terrible writer but it doesn't really matter since no one but me reads this blog anyways.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Monday
It’s dark outside and you’re laughing and you’re wearing that dress that you’re always wearing in my memories of you and we are all sitting on the porch stairs of James’s house and we are all laughing and you have a cigarette in between your fingers and it’s been burning for far too long and you let out a yell as it burns your fingers and we all laugh and so do you and I kiss your fingers and Emma gets jealous because she’s been drinking and Henry gives her a kiss on the lips to make her feel better and its midnight now and we aren’t tired and we decide to stay up all night again and its beginning to get cold because autumn is hear now and I get so sad when I think of you and I wonder if I made the right decision after all.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Wednesday
We’re at a bowling alley and its cold outside. I can see the frost on the glass doors and everyone is dressed in coats and sweaters. We aren’t sitting next to the lanes but at one of those tables behind them. I’m surprised to see you sitting next to me since we aren’t very good friends.
It’s like I’m not thinking, as if I have woken up in the middle of the night and I can’t process what’s going on. You grab my hand and even though I’m surprised, I’m really happy. We are holding hands underneath the table now.
“I thought you hated me?”
Your friends walk by and I can’t see their faces. They're laughing and you wave to them with your other hand and you’re smiling. You’re talking to them and I can see your mouth moving but I can’t hear anything at all. It’s like I’m sitting on the bottom of the swimming pool. All I can hear is a distant, steady buzz.
“Why won’t you talk to me?!”
Still you won’t answer me let alone look at me and all at once I’m confused and angry and I’m not sure what I should do, but you’re still holding my hand under the table and I won’t let go.
It’s like I’m not thinking, as if I have woken up in the middle of the night and I can’t process what’s going on. You grab my hand and even though I’m surprised, I’m really happy. We are holding hands underneath the table now.
“I thought you hated me?”
Your friends walk by and I can’t see their faces. They're laughing and you wave to them with your other hand and you’re smiling. You’re talking to them and I can see your mouth moving but I can’t hear anything at all. It’s like I’m sitting on the bottom of the swimming pool. All I can hear is a distant, steady buzz.
“Why won’t you talk to me?!”
Still you won’t answer me let alone look at me and all at once I’m confused and angry and I’m not sure what I should do, but you’re still holding my hand under the table and I won’t let go.
Monday, September 15, 2008
Monday
I miss them so much. I can see them right now when I close my eyes.
Emma is balancing slowly on rail road tracks that ran on that old bridge pretending they’re tight ropes. She always wore those flower dresses and had her hair pulled back even though it she cut it short to begin with.
James is standing over there behind her, barely visible in the background. He had his head down with his hands in his pockets. He always walked with his head down, watching his feet as he walked. He had this huge crush on this girl that worked at the grocery store in town, but never could build up the courage to tell her. I think that’s why he seemed sad most of the time that summer.
Henry was my best friend. He always had that packet of cigarettes in his pocket, but never seemed to smoke them. I think he just liked the idea that if any of us wanted a cigarette he would be there to give us one (even though James was the only one who ever smoked and he rarely did so).
Then there was Stephanie sitting on the edge of the bridge. She had those beautiful big eyes that seemed so innocent. She was so beautiful and would have that simpering look on her face whenever we picked on her.
She’s sitting there now. Her feet dangling off the edge of that old bridge, dropping pebbles and watching them fall with a splash in the stream. The suns reflecting off the water below and it hurts my eyes just imagining it.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Thursday
Sometimes I imagine the summers we spent together.
God I miss them.
It never seemed to be too hot then, a cool breeze was always blowing. When we got bored of the lakes and rivers we would wake up early in the morning and drive the beach. James always drove since he had always been an early riser. I’d fall asleep in the back of the car, my head resting on whoever was sitting next to me, and I know it’s odd, but I don’t think I ever sleep better than when I’m sleeping in the car.
When we would get to the beach Henry, Francis, James and I would go out swimming while the girls laid down under the sun. We’d jump into the waves and let them knock us over. Henry and James loved swimming under water until they were right behind Francis and then jump up and dunk him under. He hated it but it never got old.
Emma always packed sandwiches for us, she knew what each of us wanted and would stay up late the night before making them. We’d always sit around and eat them for lunch, talking, and James and Francis would always end up building a huge sand castle (they really were good at it).
As it became night time, all of us would sit around the bond fire, the beach was usually deserted by then, and spend hours laughing and just talking about whatever came to our mind. Eventually it seemed as though Stephanie always got sleepy so we’d pack up and make our way back.
I would usually end up not sleeping on the way back, James driving and me in the front seat. The radio would be on just low enough so we could make out the song. Every now and then we’d say something and have a conversation, but most of the time we were quiet as we stared at the passing scenery, becoming only a blur in my mind.
God I miss them.
It never seemed to be too hot then, a cool breeze was always blowing. When we got bored of the lakes and rivers we would wake up early in the morning and drive the beach. James always drove since he had always been an early riser. I’d fall asleep in the back of the car, my head resting on whoever was sitting next to me, and I know it’s odd, but I don’t think I ever sleep better than when I’m sleeping in the car.
When we would get to the beach Henry, Francis, James and I would go out swimming while the girls laid down under the sun. We’d jump into the waves and let them knock us over. Henry and James loved swimming under water until they were right behind Francis and then jump up and dunk him under. He hated it but it never got old.
Emma always packed sandwiches for us, she knew what each of us wanted and would stay up late the night before making them. We’d always sit around and eat them for lunch, talking, and James and Francis would always end up building a huge sand castle (they really were good at it).
As it became night time, all of us would sit around the bond fire, the beach was usually deserted by then, and spend hours laughing and just talking about whatever came to our mind. Eventually it seemed as though Stephanie always got sleepy so we’d pack up and make our way back.
I would usually end up not sleeping on the way back, James driving and me in the front seat. The radio would be on just low enough so we could make out the song. Every now and then we’d say something and have a conversation, but most of the time we were quiet as we stared at the passing scenery, becoming only a blur in my mind.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Wednesday
Emma just sent me a letter asking me to come back home and forget all of this college foolishness.
I told her not to worry, I’d be home soon.
I told her not to worry, I’d be home soon.
Friday, August 29, 2008
Friday
We used to go driving back then. We would just drive for what seemed like hours in the country side. It seemed as if it were only an autumn ritual. The leaves were all different shades of orange and red. And we’d speed down the middle of the road, kicking up leaves as we went along. The sky always seemed to be some shade of grey, just on the verge of raining.
Henry would always drive, he had the best car out of all of us and we’d each take turns sitting in the front seat. He’d put the top down and the chilly autumn wind would be blowing all around us and it seemed as if the only thing you could hear was the radio playing in the background. The car would climb up the hills along the old dirt roads and in these moments I would stick my head out, right when the wind was the strongest. My hair would blow and I’d squint my eyes and I’d hear you guys in the back seat laughing over the rush of wind.
I can’t even remember us not being happy.
Henry would always drive, he had the best car out of all of us and we’d each take turns sitting in the front seat. He’d put the top down and the chilly autumn wind would be blowing all around us and it seemed as if the only thing you could hear was the radio playing in the background. The car would climb up the hills along the old dirt roads and in these moments I would stick my head out, right when the wind was the strongest. My hair would blow and I’d squint my eyes and I’d hear you guys in the back seat laughing over the rush of wind.
I can’t even remember us not being happy.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Thursday
Do you remember that old lake we used to go to? I’m sure you do, we met there one summer, your parents rented a lake house down the road from my families.
You don’t remember do you?
No it’s ok, it was a while ago anyways.
Well I know you don’t remember but we went swimming one time late one summer night. The moon was hidden behind the grey clouds and we made our way towards the lake,
stepping softly to avoid making any sound that would interrupt the echoing silence.
They were already swimming when we got there. We heard their laughter as we got closer, short and muffled in the darkness. Henry was there and so was Francis and his girlfriend, but I can’t seem to remember her name. We stripped down to our bathing suits and made our way to the lake.
We both stood on the dock; I wrapped my toes around the edge and felt the rough grooves of the wood. I glanced at you. Your hair was covering your face but I could still see you smiling.
The clouds drifted away from the moon and we could now see the glimmer of the white moon light as it reflected off of the waves of the water. Henry, Francis, and his girlfriend were treading water a ways off of the dock. They stared up at us, smiling.
Jump! they yelled.
Is it cold? you asked.
Francis splashed water towards us and we jumped back.
Francis! you yelled, laughing.
I backed up a bit and began to run. I jumped, closed my eyes, and dove into the water. It was cold and I tried to drift as far as possible until I had to come up for air. I popped up just in time to see you jump in.
We swam until we were worn out and laid on the dock. I couldn’t tell if anyone was awake, and I closed my eyes and felt the soft summer night’s breeze and I could hear the soft rattle of the leaves in the trees all around us.
God how I wish these fantasy nights were real.
You don’t remember do you?
No it’s ok, it was a while ago anyways.
Well I know you don’t remember but we went swimming one time late one summer night. The moon was hidden behind the grey clouds and we made our way towards the lake,
stepping softly to avoid making any sound that would interrupt the echoing silence.
They were already swimming when we got there. We heard their laughter as we got closer, short and muffled in the darkness. Henry was there and so was Francis and his girlfriend, but I can’t seem to remember her name. We stripped down to our bathing suits and made our way to the lake.
We both stood on the dock; I wrapped my toes around the edge and felt the rough grooves of the wood. I glanced at you. Your hair was covering your face but I could still see you smiling.
The clouds drifted away from the moon and we could now see the glimmer of the white moon light as it reflected off of the waves of the water. Henry, Francis, and his girlfriend were treading water a ways off of the dock. They stared up at us, smiling.
Jump! they yelled.
Is it cold? you asked.
Francis splashed water towards us and we jumped back.
Francis! you yelled, laughing.
I backed up a bit and began to run. I jumped, closed my eyes, and dove into the water. It was cold and I tried to drift as far as possible until I had to come up for air. I popped up just in time to see you jump in.
We swam until we were worn out and laid on the dock. I couldn’t tell if anyone was awake, and I closed my eyes and felt the soft summer night’s breeze and I could hear the soft rattle of the leaves in the trees all around us.
God how I wish these fantasy nights were real.
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Saturday
It’s snowing now, the first of the winter. The snowflakes fall slowly and I can feel them on the back of my neck as I walk down the street. The street lights arch overhead and the soft lights feel like warmth in the dark sky.
A year ago today we first met.
If you squint your eyes and look pass the glow of the street lights you can see the stars. Only barely twinkling in the distant night sky.
How could I have messed it up so badly?
I close my eyes and I imagine an old musician sitting next to a building in the distance. His eyes are closed and he’s playing a song on his saxophone. He doesn’t care if anyone is listening or not. The sound floats through the air twisting and twirling as it dodges the small white flakes of falling snow until it finally reaches my ears. It feels as though the music and the street lights are all the warmth that I can feel right now, but I squint my eyes.
A year ago today we first met.
If you squint your eyes and look pass the glow of the street lights you can see the stars. Only barely twinkling in the distant night sky.
How could I have messed it up so badly?
I close my eyes and I imagine an old musician sitting next to a building in the distance. His eyes are closed and he’s playing a song on his saxophone. He doesn’t care if anyone is listening or not. The sound floats through the air twisting and twirling as it dodges the small white flakes of falling snow until it finally reaches my ears. It feels as though the music and the street lights are all the warmth that I can feel right now, but I squint my eyes.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Tuesday
What I’ve always wanted is to have a surprise birthday party.
I had one when I was younger with my friends Ben and Alex, and it was great, don’t get me wrong, but the one I’ve always imagined is one where a bunch of people are there. I’ll walk up the stairs one day, slowly and quietly, I’ll hear a noise, a quite muffled laugh followed by a shush. I’ll stop on the stairs and listen, and then I’ll smile, realizing what’s going on.
I open the door slowly and inside is everyone I know and care about. They all stand up and shout “SURPRISE!” and I laugh and act surprised. I can’t stop smiling now. People are coming up to me and giving me hugs and telling me how happy they are for me. I don’t know what to say after a while, all I can do is smile because it all just seems surreal.
Hanging under the rafters are strings of those Japanese lights. You don’t remember do you? Your mother bought them for that party she had last summer at the lake house. In the corner of the room the record player plays slowly. “This Must Be the Place” comes on and someone turns it up. It’s loud now and everyone begins dancing. We’re swapping dance partners and everyone is laughing. Everyone is just so happy to be here, together. I turn and watch you out of the corner of my eye. You spin in and out, your hair covering your face, and I catch a slight smile on your lips.
The song ends and I make my way onto the roof. It’s cold and I can see the faint glimmer of stars above the glow of the city lights. “Canadian Girl” plays loudly downstairs. I close my eyes and take it all in. It all seems so surreal.
I had one when I was younger with my friends Ben and Alex, and it was great, don’t get me wrong, but the one I’ve always imagined is one where a bunch of people are there. I’ll walk up the stairs one day, slowly and quietly, I’ll hear a noise, a quite muffled laugh followed by a shush. I’ll stop on the stairs and listen, and then I’ll smile, realizing what’s going on.
I open the door slowly and inside is everyone I know and care about. They all stand up and shout “SURPRISE!” and I laugh and act surprised. I can’t stop smiling now. People are coming up to me and giving me hugs and telling me how happy they are for me. I don’t know what to say after a while, all I can do is smile because it all just seems surreal.
Hanging under the rafters are strings of those Japanese lights. You don’t remember do you? Your mother bought them for that party she had last summer at the lake house. In the corner of the room the record player plays slowly. “This Must Be the Place” comes on and someone turns it up. It’s loud now and everyone begins dancing. We’re swapping dance partners and everyone is laughing. Everyone is just so happy to be here, together. I turn and watch you out of the corner of my eye. You spin in and out, your hair covering your face, and I catch a slight smile on your lips.
The song ends and I make my way onto the roof. It’s cold and I can see the faint glimmer of stars above the glow of the city lights. “Canadian Girl” plays loudly downstairs. I close my eyes and take it all in. It all seems so surreal.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Sunday
It’s cold and the fluorescent lights reflect on the linoleum floor.
When you walk in the doors just keep walking straight, and to your right there will be an advertisement. It’s nothing you would notice unless you turned and looked directly at it. It’s for Converse and in it is a picture of a girl with really light blonde hair with a grey dress on and she’s holding a basketball in her hands as she laughs. It’s as though someone just out of eye sight tossed her the ball and she caught it just in time. She turns and laughs and, just then, the picture is taken.
I carry a walkie talkie when I’m at work. I pick it up when I walk in and carry it in my pocket all day. Throughout the day I hear people asking where items are or calling for help at the checkouts. It’s nothing that you would notice, just a steady noise I listen to as I work.
Every night I turn on the news and fall asleep to the low drone of CNN.
It’s really late at night, well I guess early in the morning, and the TV is still on in my room. It’s the background noise that soothes me. Floating through the air and I half listen as I close my eyes.
She’s wearing grey and she’s facing the other direction. The sun is shining and it’s so bright I have to squint my eyes. Where are those glasses she always wears? Never mind.
Hey Emma think fast!
I toss the ball lightly, making sure it arches in the air. She turns and catches the ball before it hits the ground, and then she begins to laugh.
When you walk in the doors just keep walking straight, and to your right there will be an advertisement. It’s nothing you would notice unless you turned and looked directly at it. It’s for Converse and in it is a picture of a girl with really light blonde hair with a grey dress on and she’s holding a basketball in her hands as she laughs. It’s as though someone just out of eye sight tossed her the ball and she caught it just in time. She turns and laughs and, just then, the picture is taken.
I carry a walkie talkie when I’m at work. I pick it up when I walk in and carry it in my pocket all day. Throughout the day I hear people asking where items are or calling for help at the checkouts. It’s nothing that you would notice, just a steady noise I listen to as I work.
Every night I turn on the news and fall asleep to the low drone of CNN.
It’s really late at night, well I guess early in the morning, and the TV is still on in my room. It’s the background noise that soothes me. Floating through the air and I half listen as I close my eyes.
She’s wearing grey and she’s facing the other direction. The sun is shining and it’s so bright I have to squint my eyes. Where are those glasses she always wears? Never mind.
Hey Emma think fast!
I toss the ball lightly, making sure it arches in the air. She turns and catches the ball before it hits the ground, and then she begins to laugh.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Tuesday
Sometimes late at night, after I've turned out my light, I lay with my hands behind my head and stare at my ceiling.
I've always been fascinated with outer space. Something about it just excites me. I love staring out constellations, even though I can only find Orion. Ive always thought about buying a whole bunch of those glow in the dark star kits, you know the ones where you can stick a piece of tape to the back and put on your ceiling? I imagine myself spending the summer in my room organizing hundresds of stars and planets on my ceiling, like a modern day Michelangelo of the stars. I'd work days organizing just one section of the night sky on my ceiling, and when I was finally done I'd turn out my light, and lay in my bed and just stare in wonder at the night sky, one that I had created.
Sometimes I can hear the sound of the train that passes by fairfield from my house. It toots its horn letting all know that it is passing through, and if all is quiet, the noise is distant but distinct to my ears. I can picture it. I can picture it so easily because I've sat at the railroad tracks as the train passed by, watching from my car. I read the box cars as they pass by and try to decipher the graffitti as it rushes by.
One time, a few years ago I was watching t.v. I had stumbled across a movie on some channel with Nicholas Cage in it. I can't remember the name but the scene that I remember best is one where Nicholas Cage and his friend are waiting at night time. They stand by a railroad track and a train rushes by. They both count to three and jump on to one of the many ladders hanging of the side of the boxcars and ride the train. They laugh as the wind blows in their faces. It was absolutely incredible and a little bit ridiculous.
I've always thought about doing that. Not necessarily riding the train for laughs, but jumping on that train that runs by fairfield. I'd ride in a boxcar to where ever the train heads to. I'd meet so many interesting people, and after a few years hitch hiking around the country and having great adventures I'd find somewhere nice, maybe in Canada or around the great lakes where I can expeirience a real autumn and winter. There I'd write the next great American novel. It'd all be about my travels and the oddball things that happened. The book would be an instant classic and I would never have to worry about money for the rest of my life. My wife and I would grow old and I'd spend my days writing books that would never be as good as my first, but I'd be happy.
And that ladies and gentlemen is how I wish my life would turn out, even though it is semi ridiculous.
I've always been fascinated with outer space. Something about it just excites me. I love staring out constellations, even though I can only find Orion. Ive always thought about buying a whole bunch of those glow in the dark star kits, you know the ones where you can stick a piece of tape to the back and put on your ceiling? I imagine myself spending the summer in my room organizing hundresds of stars and planets on my ceiling, like a modern day Michelangelo of the stars. I'd work days organizing just one section of the night sky on my ceiling, and when I was finally done I'd turn out my light, and lay in my bed and just stare in wonder at the night sky, one that I had created.
Sometimes I can hear the sound of the train that passes by fairfield from my house. It toots its horn letting all know that it is passing through, and if all is quiet, the noise is distant but distinct to my ears. I can picture it. I can picture it so easily because I've sat at the railroad tracks as the train passed by, watching from my car. I read the box cars as they pass by and try to decipher the graffitti as it rushes by.
One time, a few years ago I was watching t.v. I had stumbled across a movie on some channel with Nicholas Cage in it. I can't remember the name but the scene that I remember best is one where Nicholas Cage and his friend are waiting at night time. They stand by a railroad track and a train rushes by. They both count to three and jump on to one of the many ladders hanging of the side of the boxcars and ride the train. They laugh as the wind blows in their faces. It was absolutely incredible and a little bit ridiculous.
I've always thought about doing that. Not necessarily riding the train for laughs, but jumping on that train that runs by fairfield. I'd ride in a boxcar to where ever the train heads to. I'd meet so many interesting people, and after a few years hitch hiking around the country and having great adventures I'd find somewhere nice, maybe in Canada or around the great lakes where I can expeirience a real autumn and winter. There I'd write the next great American novel. It'd all be about my travels and the oddball things that happened. The book would be an instant classic and I would never have to worry about money for the rest of my life. My wife and I would grow old and I'd spend my days writing books that would never be as good as my first, but I'd be happy.
And that ladies and gentlemen is how I wish my life would turn out, even though it is semi ridiculous.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Monday
I imagine in sometime we will be in Spain; either Spain or France, whichever is the most beautiful this time of year. It will either be raining or very hot, and we will be sitting on a large porch. The table is old and a white table cloth attempts to hide its age. I’ve been thinking about what kind of chairs we will be sitting in and I have finally reached the conclusion they will be made of whicker. Yes whicker, and they will be rocking chairs. Rocking chairs are the greatest type of chairs in the world because they allow you to move even when you are sitting still. A breeze will be blowing no matter if it is raining or very hot, and we will both be drinking a nice cold drink. I forgot to mention our chairs won’t be facing each other, we will both be staring outside at the beautiful scenery, trying to take in everything so we will never forget how the world looks today. You are very beautiful. Beautiful, not in the conventional sense, but beautiful in an unconventional way, recognizable only to me. Something about you distinguishes you from the crowd of ordinary people. We will be sitting there, rocking, and not saying a word. It won’t be awkward when we both say nothing. We will be comfortable with each other, enough so where we wont have to fill the silence with trivial conversation. I’ll keep stealing glances at you out of the corner of my eye, making sure I will never forget your face and how lovely you look in this moment. You’ll pretend not to notice and hide your smile. What little talk we will have will only be about the present and the future, nothing to do with the past; unless it’s about the grand adventures we have had. Yes, only about the adventures.
Did I mention a soft breeze would be blowing? Messing up your hair, but it only makes you prettier. Yes. This is exactly how it will be. You see, I can almost picture it.
Did I mention a soft breeze would be blowing? Messing up your hair, but it only makes you prettier. Yes. This is exactly how it will be. You see, I can almost picture it.
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Friday
A few days ago I was looking at some pictures of my friend. There was one in particular where she was with one of her brothers and they were both laughing about something. She had her eyes closed because she was smiling so big, and didn't even know there was a picture being taken. It wasn't a forced smile that she created at the end of a three second count down.
But was something about that picture that made me smile and sad at the same time. There she was, a brief moment of pure happiness that engulfed her. That brief moment was captured on camera and it was amazing. Nothing else in the world mattered then. She was with a person she loved and they were both laughing at a now long forgotten joke.
After thinking about it, I've realized that I have no such picture like hers to turn to. I have no picture to look at and see a mirror reflection of myself where I was, for once, completely and utterly happy. All I seem to have is a few random pictures taken when I wasn't expecting it and ones with goofy smiles that I put on for laughs.
I want to look back years from now and see a long forgotten picture of a time that had been lost to me. I want to stare at myself and see something different. A small spark in my eyes where I am happy and I'll ask all the typical questions about what was making me smile so much. And when I look at my face of supreme happiness and joy, a small smile will begin to curl on the sides of my lips, making its way down my mouth until I stand in silence, smiling back at myself.
But was something about that picture that made me smile and sad at the same time. There she was, a brief moment of pure happiness that engulfed her. That brief moment was captured on camera and it was amazing. Nothing else in the world mattered then. She was with a person she loved and they were both laughing at a now long forgotten joke.
After thinking about it, I've realized that I have no such picture like hers to turn to. I have no picture to look at and see a mirror reflection of myself where I was, for once, completely and utterly happy. All I seem to have is a few random pictures taken when I wasn't expecting it and ones with goofy smiles that I put on for laughs.
I want to look back years from now and see a long forgotten picture of a time that had been lost to me. I want to stare at myself and see something different. A small spark in my eyes where I am happy and I'll ask all the typical questions about what was making me smile so much. And when I look at my face of supreme happiness and joy, a small smile will begin to curl on the sides of my lips, making its way down my mouth until I stand in silence, smiling back at myself.
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