Thursday

Dear,

I’m not sure where to start with this letter, I’ve written it in my head countless times today as I walk, and now that I sit down and actually try and put pen to paper it just doesn’t seem to come out as easily as I was expecting.

It’s been so long since I’ve last seen you. How have things been at home? It’s autumn now, officially that is. The leaves should start changing colors and pretty soon you’ll have a nice pile of leaves to jump in. The breeze should be picking up and the temperature will be dropping. Remember last autumn when you stopped combing your hair? I’m smiling just thinking about it now. You said, “What’s the point? This wind messes it up as soon as I walk outside.” Now every time I think of you and Emma during last fall I picture both of you guy’s hair rippling across your face.

It’s been strange not seeing all of you. I haven’t seen you for months now and I’m sorry I haven’t written before this, I really am. I’ve been so busy here you see. I’ve been thinking about you though. I think about you when I feel a breeze or when it’s cloudy outside just before it rains. I think about home and the lake constantly and I wish I were there now.

How have you and Emma been doing without all of us guys there? That reminds me I got a letter from James the other day. He and Henry are leaving for Nantes tomorrow; they are both having a grand time over there, but miss home already. He told me to tell you that Henry gives his kisses to Emma.

Thank you for your photo, it means the world to me and I’ve got it pinned to the wall above my desk. Would you like one of me? I’m going to go outside right now and make George take a picture of me to send to you. I’ll strike a pose for you.

Don’t forget to write, I’ll see you at Christmas break.

x

Tuesday

I'm a terrible writer but it doesn't really matter since no one but me reads this blog anyways.

Monday

It’s dark outside and you’re laughing and you’re wearing that dress that you’re always wearing in my memories of you and we are all sitting on the porch stairs of James’s house and we are all laughing and you have a cigarette in between your fingers and it’s been burning for far too long and you let out a yell as it burns your fingers and we all laugh and so do you and I kiss your fingers and Emma gets jealous because she’s been drinking and Henry gives her a kiss on the lips to make her feel better and its midnight now and we aren’t tired and we decide to stay up all night again and its beginning to get cold because autumn is hear now and I get so sad when I think of you and I wonder if I made the right decision after all.

Wednesday

We’re at a bowling alley and its cold outside. I can see the frost on the glass doors and everyone is dressed in coats and sweaters. We aren’t sitting next to the lanes but at one of those tables behind them. I’m surprised to see you sitting next to me since we aren’t very good friends.

It’s like I’m not thinking, as if I have woken up in the middle of the night and I can’t process what’s going on. You grab my hand and even though I’m surprised, I’m really happy. We are holding hands underneath the table now.

“I thought you hated me?”

Your friends walk by and I can’t see their faces. They're laughing and you wave to them with your other hand and you’re smiling. You’re talking to them and I can see your mouth moving but I can’t hear anything at all. It’s like I’m sitting on the bottom of the swimming pool. All I can hear is a distant, steady buzz.

“Why won’t you talk to me?!”

Still you won’t answer me let alone look at me and all at once I’m confused and angry and I’m not sure what I should do, but you’re still holding my hand under the table and I won’t let go.

Monday

I miss them so much. I can see them right now when I close my eyes.

Emma is balancing slowly on rail road tracks that ran on that old bridge pretending they’re tight ropes. She always wore those flower dresses and had her hair pulled back even though it she cut it short to begin with.

James is standing over there behind her, barely visible in the background. He had his head down with his hands in his pockets. He always walked with his head down, watching his feet as he walked. He had this huge crush on this girl that worked at the grocery store in town, but never could build up the courage to tell her. I think that’s why he seemed sad most of the time that summer.

Henry was my best friend. He always had that packet of cigarettes in his pocket, but never seemed to smoke them. I think he just liked the idea that if any of us wanted a cigarette he would be there to give us one (even though James was the only one who ever smoked and he rarely did so).

Then there was Stephanie sitting on the edge of the bridge. She had those beautiful big eyes that seemed so innocent. She was so beautiful and would have that simpering look on her face whenever we picked on her.

She’s sitting there now. Her feet dangling off the edge of that old bridge, dropping pebbles and watching them fall with a splash in the stream. The suns reflecting off the water below and it hurts my eyes just imagining it.

Thursday

Sometimes I imagine the summers we spent together.

God I miss them.

It never seemed to be too hot then, a cool breeze was always blowing. When we got bored of the lakes and rivers we would wake up early in the morning and drive the beach. James always drove since he had always been an early riser. I’d fall asleep in the back of the car, my head resting on whoever was sitting next to me, and I know it’s odd, but I don’t think I ever sleep better than when I’m sleeping in the car.

When we would get to the beach Henry, Francis, James and I would go out swimming while the girls laid down under the sun. We’d jump into the waves and let them knock us over. Henry and James loved swimming under water until they were right behind Francis and then jump up and dunk him under. He hated it but it never got old.
Emma always packed sandwiches for us, she knew what each of us wanted and would stay up late the night before making them. We’d always sit around and eat them for lunch, talking, and James and Francis would always end up building a huge sand castle (they really were good at it).

As it became night time, all of us would sit around the bond fire, the beach was usually deserted by then, and spend hours laughing and just talking about whatever came to our mind. Eventually it seemed as though Stephanie always got sleepy so we’d pack up and make our way back.

I would usually end up not sleeping on the way back, James driving and me in the front seat. The radio would be on just low enough so we could make out the song. Every now and then we’d say something and have a conversation, but most of the time we were quiet as we stared at the passing scenery, becoming only a blur in my mind.

Wednesday

Emma just sent me a letter asking me to come back home and forget all of this college foolishness.

I told her not to worry, I’d be home soon.